Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it hurts more in the daytime
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
