You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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