I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
