Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She told me I should be a condom model.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
