So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
