break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
