He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
