I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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