i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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