Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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