You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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