my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
