Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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