If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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