i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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