My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
