Say something about gay babies.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
