Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
