Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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