fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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