Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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