yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
