birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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