my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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