I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
