the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
