I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
