the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
