summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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