I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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