everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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