Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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