Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
