he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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