Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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