All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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