I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
