I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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