I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
