You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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