The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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