I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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