i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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