dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
