i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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