Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
