so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
