the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
