also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
