Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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