are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
