come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
