After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
