just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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