Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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