I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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