she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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