Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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