No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
