Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize