Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
