he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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