I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I believe in your delicious
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
